Amaze your friends!   Alarm your teachers!  Confuse your boss!    

Yes, The Deluxe, Portable, Cordless Argon Zark! Souvenir Dead-tree Edition can do all this and more! Contains no saturated fats or hydrogenated corn-oil substitutes. Consumes 27 times its weight in excess anxiety. Multiple colors in every package!

Unlike the leading comics brand, The Deluxe, Portable, Cordless Argon Zark! Souvenir Dead-tree Edition wiggles straight into to your cerebral cortex and works in half the time to bring relief from bloated, unimaginative entertainment. Brightens and whitens the optic nerve as you read*.

*Use only as directed. Side effects may include smirking, laughing, gasping with delight and giggling at your desk. Discontinue use if side effects become uncontrollable.